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Singapore Jokes and Humor

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Category: Entertainment

Singapore Jokes and Humor
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Posted at 30 Apr 2009 7:58 pm
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      Story 1

      Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"
      Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"


      Story 2

      Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to how it to her.
      So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
      "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
      "Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
      "Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
      So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
      So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
      The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
      "Alamak! What u doing?  U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
      "Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"


      Story 3

      The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
      So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women
      and children.
      To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
      To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
      To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
      To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
      Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets
      for those who jumped."


      Story 4

      3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear.
      The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
      Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
      Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
      Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
      Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
      Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
      Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
      Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
      Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
      Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
      Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
      Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
      Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.


      Story 5

      Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and
      wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
      (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
      The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
      re-select another song.
      The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ
      was insulting them.
      The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
      Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that
      they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the
      Righteous Brothers.


      Story 6

      One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted
      to get down to the ground floor.
      As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to
      number 2. It was then followed by a G.
      As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea
      what does the letter G mean.
      Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
      When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
      impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?"
      The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."


      Story 7

      Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and
      decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm".
      During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume,
      thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your
      application with my wife."
      And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife.
      Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers
      with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire
      Santa Singh!"
      So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
      Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and
      requested for another interview and Lee KY said, "Look Santa, I have
      already told you that we only hire......."
      When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I have
      just changed my name."
      Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new
      name then?"
      On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!"
      (Manga-Li)

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


      Subject: Gas Station

      A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a
      sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
      Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his
      free sex.
      The owner told him to pick a! number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
      correctly, he would get his free sex.
      The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The
      number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
      A week later, the same guy, along with a friend, pulled in for a
      fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
      The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess
      the correct number.
      The  guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it
      was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
      As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think that
      game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
      His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last
      week!!"

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


      One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and
      Bangladeshi traveled around on a private helicopter.
      After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his
      cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip,
      he threw the balance of the cigarette.
      The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you
      finish-up the cigarette before throwing?"
      He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
      Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume
      and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.
      The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you throw
      away the perfume?"
      The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
      The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that
      Bangladeshi out of the helicopter.
      The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push
      him!!!!!!!??????"
      The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my
      country."
      Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
Comment posted at 30 Apr 2009 8:14 pm#1
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Comments: 146
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omg...tht is really Funny laaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
 hahahahaa~~!!!!!
LaughingTongueoutTongueout
Comment posted at 29 May 2009 11:59 pm#2
Topics: 10
Comments: 62
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really funny
thanks for sharing
Comment posted at 1 Jun 2009 2:52 am#3
Topics: 0
Comments: 1
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Awesome!!!Laughing

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